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The Last Day by ~FrostedWind:iconFrostedWind:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


Everything packed and boxed
My bed back in its bag
The last day, just like the first
But everything shows so much wear
Most of all me

This place, for so long
Has been mine
But as everything so slowly
Finds itself packed
This place is no longer home

In flux, Neither living here
Nor moved in there
Empty and lonesome
I find myself lost
Without having left

The walls, suddenly bare
Bulging bags fill the room
The last day, just like the first
And as I shut the door on my past
Part of me stays behind
©2005-2008 ~FrostedWind
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Submitted: May 16, 2005
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Author's Comments

At the end of last month, I found myself moving out of residence, after a long, hard year. As I was on my way out, wandering, talking to my friends, I noticed so many things seemed to have reverted to their original states... Clean, empty rooms, bags, bundles and boxes everywhere... As I was packing I thought of this, and began to cry a little - through my tears, I wrote this...

Moving always seems to make me feel so out of place, I hope you can share in that here.

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~TheShun:iconTheShun: May 16, 2005, 8:27:30 PM
I like it. If I may, a few suggestions:

Last line, first stanza "Most of all...me" Sets you apart from the whole things

Last stanza, second line "Bulging bags, fill the room" It follows the the lines by it.

Just some ideas. It's fine the way it is. Just tweaks.

Thane
[link]

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~puka23:iconpuka23: May 16, 2005, 8:50:59 PM
j'ime bien l'émotion que dégage le poème :D
c toujours spécial comme moment un déménagement

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~jacksprat:iconjacksprat: May 17, 2005, 3:43:45 PM
I honestly don't have any strong criticism for this except to say that it might work better as prose. As it is, it's still quite good and I can relate quite well to it. Very clear and not cheesy; just poignant.

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~FrostedWind:iconFrostedWind: May 18, 2005, 5:43:57 PM
Merci beaucoup! Je n'aime pas le déménagement, mais avec il, il y a la vie nouveau... :XD:

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~FrostedWind:iconFrostedWind: May 18, 2005, 5:45:55 PM
Thanks, hun, your input is always appreciated :)

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When nothing else makes you feel right, write...
~the-great-omaqua:iconthe-great-omaqua: May 20, 2005, 2:36:15 PM
Yeah, very nice. i know exactly how it feels. I'm sorry you have to move. Even though it's probably for the best, it's always hard!

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~jacksprat:iconjacksprat: May 21, 2005, 1:15:16 PM
I figure it's the least I can do...well, no, the LEAST I can do is nothing at all. But I think I do too much of that as it is and it's pretty lame to accept comments and criticism from people (especially people on my watchlist) and not return the favor. So...you're welcome.

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Life goes on until you're dead.

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~FrostedWind:iconFrostedWind: May 21, 2005, 5:48:57 PM
Either way, it's very much appreciated :hug:

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When nothing else makes you feel right, write...
~FrostedWind:iconFrostedWind: May 21, 2005, 6:00:18 PM
Hmm, I like the idea of setting myself apart, it works! As for the last stanza, though - I'm not sure breaking up "Bulging bags fill the room" would make any sense technically... Thanks very much, as always, for your help :hug:

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When nothing else makes you feel right, write...
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